You know what I love? I love those government-sponsored anti-drug commercials that tell us that illicit drug use supports terrorism, and then they go and show us some footage of a middle-aged white guy smoking a bone! Let me tell you something folks, if the terrorists are selling us weed, it’s no wonder why they’re losing the fucking war! Start selling cocaine and heroin you dumb-fucks! There’s no money in marijuana! And contrary to whatever propaganda you may have heard, it’s not addictive either. It’s not as if you smoke an ounce in 5 minutes and you immediately start jonesing, so you have to run outside and mug some old lady. That’s crack, motherfuckers! Maybe the terrorists don’t understand this fact because they’re a bunch of fucking high-ons! Imagine that shit:
"ABDUL, YOU BUFFOON, YOU KEEP SMOKING ALL THE SHIT!!! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SELLING THAT TO THE AMERICANS TO FUND OUR WAR AGAINST FREEDOM!!! YOU STONED FUCKING MORON!!!"
"RELAX, MOHAMMED, YOU’RE TOO UPTIGHT... I ALMOST HAVE ENOUGH TO BUY US SOME PEPPER SPRAY!!! AND WHEN I DO, LOOK OUT AMERICA, IT’S FUCKIN’ PAY- BACK TIME!!!"
Nah, I’m just kidding. Al Qaeda doesn’t smoke the ganja…those blood-thirsty bastards smoke scorpion tails! It’s true, why do you think they never stop fighting? It sure as hell isn’t because they’re “sooo baked, man”… no, those deranged swines are fueled by fucking scorpion venom! How’s the American Military supposed to counteract that shit? They don’t even let our soldiers drink anymore for Christ’s sake! They sure as hell aren’t going to start giving our men and women in uniform scorpion tails to suck down with breakfast. Wheaties and scorpion venom, that’ll get ya going in the morning, huh? Fuck coffee!
“HERE YOU GO SON, SUCK DOWN SOME OF THIS SCORPION SHIT, IT'LL MAKE YOU KILL LIKE THE TERRORISTS, ONLY BETTER!!! YOU'LL BE CHOPPING THEIR GODDAMNED HEADS OFF BY NOON!!!"
When you think about it, it doesn’t really matter that we have bombs that can turn corners and fly down wishing wells and emerge out of some rabbit hole in Tikrit, because those mofo’s are sucking down scorpion tails! That shit’s like Middle Eastern PCP! They’re probably like Jason Voorhees after they smoke that shit. We could send a fuckin’ robot army after those guys, have the robots incinerate them with their laser beam eyes, and these scorpion –sucking maniacs would raise themselves up from their smoldering pile of burnt flesh and RAPE the robots, then cut off their heads !!!
"ABDUL, YOU BUFFOON, YOU KEEP SMOKING ALL THE SHIT!!! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SELLING THAT TO THE AMERICANS TO FUND OUR WAR AGAINST FREEDOM!!! YOU STONED FUCKING MORON!!!"
"RELAX, MOHAMMED, YOU’RE TOO UPTIGHT... I ALMOST HAVE ENOUGH TO BUY US SOME PEPPER SPRAY!!! AND WHEN I DO, LOOK OUT AMERICA, IT’S FUCKIN’ PAY- BACK TIME!!!"
Nah, I’m just kidding. Al Qaeda doesn’t smoke the ganja…those blood-thirsty bastards smoke scorpion tails! It’s true, why do you think they never stop fighting? It sure as hell isn’t because they’re “sooo baked, man”… no, those deranged swines are fueled by fucking scorpion venom! How’s the American Military supposed to counteract that shit? They don’t even let our soldiers drink anymore for Christ’s sake! They sure as hell aren’t going to start giving our men and women in uniform scorpion tails to suck down with breakfast. Wheaties and scorpion venom, that’ll get ya going in the morning, huh? Fuck coffee!
“HERE YOU GO SON, SUCK DOWN SOME OF THIS SCORPION SHIT, IT'LL MAKE YOU KILL LIKE THE TERRORISTS, ONLY BETTER!!! YOU'LL BE CHOPPING THEIR GODDAMNED HEADS OFF BY NOON!!!"
When you think about it, it doesn’t really matter that we have bombs that can turn corners and fly down wishing wells and emerge out of some rabbit hole in Tikrit, because those mofo’s are sucking down scorpion tails! That shit’s like Middle Eastern PCP! They’re probably like Jason Voorhees after they smoke that shit. We could send a fuckin’ robot army after those guys, have the robots incinerate them with their laser beam eyes, and these scorpion –sucking maniacs would raise themselves up from their smoldering pile of burnt flesh and RAPE the robots, then cut off their heads !!!
