About Me

What I believe in:

Whadda ya got? Actually, I believe in a hodge podge of various things, including the divinity of midgets and dwarves. We’re really fairy folk sent from the outer realms to help you- you just can't see it. Snake Finger Lippman knew this, that's why he told us Jesus was a Leprechaun.

If I could be anything or anyone for a day, I would be:

Stripe, from the movie 'Gremlins'.

Last great book I read was:

Borstal Boy By Brendan Behan, yaz whore's melts.

Best or worst lie I've ever told:

"I am a Republican."

Most humbling moment:

Someone believing that I was a Republican.

The things I can't live without:

Air, Food, Water, Plankton, and SpongeBob Square pants- you know, stuff the Republicans are against.

My favorite footwear:

slippers

In my bedroom, you'll find:

The corpses of people who ask me what's in my bedroom.

My idea of a perfect Sunday morning is:

The aliens are here, Jesus is back, the Government's disbanded and drinks are on the Whitehouse! With Jesus tending bar like Tom Cruise in 'Cocktail'.

If I could be anywhere right now, it would be...

Pissing on Ronald Reagan’s grave whilst punching Dick Cheney in the balls.

My favorite restaurants:

The Vegan Nazi Republican Bistro

A perfect meal:

Fried Fruit Bat, served with a side order of freshly squeezed guano - hold the Ebola.

At a party, I am most likely to be...

Hitting the bong with the ghosts of Wesley Willis, Syd Barrett and Tiny Tim

What's more important - the journey or the destination?

Steve Perry

One thing I'd like to do before I leave this earth:

Meet a Christian who only wants to talk about Bob Barker.

Why you should get to know me:

Because I found the keys to The Kingdom at White Castle. I was bid entrance by a pimply kid named Jeremy. He's our savior, you know.

Who and what I'm looking for:

What is this, a U2 song?